Monday had to be the absolutely worst day that I have had. I had chemo last Thursday and thought I would be up to going to work on Monday since I had a nice 3 days of rest. Something had told me that was not going to be a good idea. When I started getting ready for bed Sunday night, the pain started to hit. In fact, I slept on a heating pad on the couch that night.
When Mike got up Monday morning, so did I. I first felt everything from my shoulders up get tight and sore. I ignored the pain and got ready for the day by getting dressed for work and taking two nice Tylenol.
I went to work as normal, but instead of standing in front of the class, I sat at my desk and tried to talk about clauses and conjunctions. The pain just got worse and worse as the day went on. It felt like all my bones and muscles were working against me. I couldn't move. My skull felt like it was slowly shrinking and pressing against my brain. On top of all that, anything I ate or drank would make me nauseated and my pills for that were not working. I tried popping a few more Tylenol for the pain, but they did not help in the least bit, not to mention, when they touched my tongue I thought I was going to lose the little food I did have in my stomach. I was not well. I tried so hard to hide it though, but once the last bell of the day rang, the tears came rolling.
I had to dry my eyes pretty quickly because I remembered two things: one, it was Meet the Parents Night, and two, I had a student who needed to serve a detention with me. I didn't know what to do. I ended up sending my student to the classroom next door. Luckily he needed to work on his science project, and I went to the restroom. Once the door closed, I couldn't stop the tears. They came and they were not stopping. Every little move I made was agony. I wanted to curl up in a ball and let whatever bad thing was going to happen to me happen. I started asking, "Why me?" and wondering," What bad thing did I ever do to anyone to deserve this?"
I ended up leaving the school and not meeting the parents. I cried all the way home. Just the way the seat of my car touched me hurt. I pulled my wig off because that made the pain on my skull worse. I got home, took a Valium and a Darvocet, and laid down on the couch. I was still crying and wishing I could just fall asleep so I wouldn't feel the pain. Unfortunately, that did not happen. How come when you don't want medicine to make you drowsy it does, but when you need it, it doesn't always work? Well, it didn't work.
The kids came home a few hours later and I couldn't even hug them. I had to eat dinner on the couch because I couldn't get in the dining room chair. I tried to take a warm shower, thinking that the warm water would loosen the muscles a little, but it didn't. As soon as the kids went to bed, I laid on the couch, watched a little football, and fell asleep.
The next day, the pain was pretty much gone. My shoulders were still sore, and the headache was still there, but the majority of the pain had subsided. I thought I was well enough to go to the plastic surgeon and get my weekly "fill up". I went to his office as planned. I thought how, at the beginning I hated going to his office, and now I look forward to it each week. The doctor gave me my quick "fill", and it was back to school I went. Still with the headache, and now with my chest feeling like the muscles were ripping though my skin.
Pain! Never ending pain!
Sneezing or coughing was too much. My skull was caving in and my expanders were ripping through. I can't explain what I was feeling. Too much... too much....
Wednesday, the original pain in my body was gone. The headache was getting worse and the new pain in my chest was stronger than the day before. Pain medicine was no longer an option because nothing was working. Thursday was the same. Finally, Friday came and I felt fantastic! The headache was bearable, but no pain anywhere else! I actually stood most of the day. And today? I took two Tylenol this morning, went to my son's first ever soccer game, and... no headache!
Now, I'm just trying to get figured out how I am going to better prepare myself for my next treatment. Every treatment seems to act a little differently with me. The first one was a breeze, the second, not so bad, and this one was death. I have five more to go. They are about to switch medicines on me. I have one more treatment with my normal two chemo medicines, and then I will have four of something new. I just keep thinking to myself, "Three more months... it will all be over in three more months."
