Reality

Man! What a week.
I went back for more in service on Monday. Getting ready for school, kids, hormones, and attitude. All the pleasures of being a middle school teacher. Can I do it? Sure. Do I want to? That is another question.
I got my second fill up yesterday. Again, not so bad. I woke up so nauseated, drove to the plastic surgeons office feeling sick, walked in feeling like crap, and then walked out asking myself why I got myself so worked up over nothing. There has been a little bit of kick in my step when I leave the office knowing that soon, I will be able to be somewhat proportionate.
Besides the thrills of lesson preparations and slowly getting to that bigger cup size, there is the reminder that reality is an on going thing. I think about myself a lot, but I think about others more.
When I hear of issues coming from other people, those who have been there for me and my family, my heart goes out when they are having personal problems. I all of a sudden go into helper mode, forgetting my own issues. I want to know what exactly went wrong and how it can be fixed. It's not always so easy.
I like to think there is someone in this world that everyone can count on. If it were not for Mike, I don't know how well I would be dealing with this whole thing. When I hear people breaking up over things that could possibly be worked out, the question of, "What if...?" comes to mind. Is the next person who comes around going to be there for you if some terrible news comes your way? I know I have been in relationships in the past that I could easily answer that question as "no".
This is why I feel the need to put myself second and hope that certain people can work things out. I would hate for anyone to go through the news and trauma of finding out they have cancer and not having the right person in their life... or no one at all.
Well, there is that spill. Take it or leave it, but know that I want to see my friends happy and not hurting.
Any who... on a lighter note, I have my next treatment on Thursday. Yippee! Having it on Thursday will have me feeling like myself come Monday when all the classrooms get filled with germs galore. I called my oncologist's nurse today asking her over 100 questions. I think after every 5 questions I apologized for asking so many. I am pretty nervous about this port thing they put in me. I needed to make sure those nurses know what they are doing. It's silly to ask, but it's a new thing that I am not comfortable with yet. I will be able to return to work the next day, Friday, in order to get my final everything ready. I just have to get my shot in the morning, and I should be fine (emphasis on should).
I am dreading school starting, but at the same time, I need to get back to my reality. I need this so I can get everything off my mind. It will help me with all my worries, questions, and help me feel normal again. I hope after the first day I don't start regretting my decision of returning to work so soon, and possibly, becoming a teacher in the first place. There is a reason I took on the occupation I have... I think it is the money. Has to be the money. Molding minds, being a confidant, giving some students a safe haven is great and everything, but nothing compares to the wonderful pay of educators. Again... reality....